Monday, June 13, 2016

A Foolish Donkey

Have you ever wondered why God brought us the wrong people to fall in love with? Not in a way that you want to meddle with God's plan or something, it's just that sometimes, well, maybe most of your times you just feel tired of that endless cycle. 
If you ask someone who already found their soulmate, the most common answer is; so you can learn from your mistakes. 

Agree, though I find that answer isn't entirely true. 

I'm not an expert on love since I haven't found someone who I dare to call her "mine". But should we already learn from our mistakes since the day with fall in love with our first "failed" love? 
They said only a donkey trips on the same hole twice. But then again, who are we to forbid ourselves to fall in love with another person even when we know that that person is the wrong person to love?

Yeah, I know it's sound cheesy but some people deserves to be a donkey. 

Including me. 

A friend of mine once told me that I should ask these questions to myself if I meet someone who I think is going to be my right one:

"Ask yourself why you want her. Is it because her as she is? Or because is blah blah blah..? If because she is blah blah and blah, then just forget her" 

Her word got me thinking.

"And if you want her as she is, there are other questions you should ask yourself: 
Can you be the right person for her?
Can you stand on her right side if anyone judge her?
Can you lower your ego and stand on your own if she thinks that she's better than you?
Can you bear all the pain to face all of those consequences?"

A long pause from me justifies her words.  

Even though mutual love requires two ways of understanding, but you should be ready when one or all of those questions pop in your life. 
If not, then never hope for more than you work for. 

Come to think again, there's no such thing as a wrong people to love. Everybody deserves to be loved. 

But if you're looking for true love then forget it. You can't find true love. You just have to simply make and work hard for it.   
Falling in love is a temporary feeling. Only commitment to a mutual understanding with a life-long patience that can make it eternal. 

You also should consider if that someone seriously wants to be part of your life, they will seriously make an effort to be in it. 

No reasons.

No excuses. 

No one is always busy. It just depends on what number you are on their priority list. 

And when you look back on your life, you need to realize that every time you thought you were being rejected from something good, you were actually being re-directed to something better. 
Your past is just a story. And once you realize this, it has no power over you.

So donkeys, are you ready to become a human again?

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A few days ago, I watched this movie, The Equalizer, which I think is the most awesome action movie since The Raid 2. But I'm not here to discuss that movie. 
At the first of the scene, there was a quote by Mark Twain that kept me thinking through whole night. 
"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why." 

The day that I was born was obviously important to me because if that day never comes, I wouldn't be here writing this. However, what interest me more is "The day I find out why." 

There are a lot of interpretations about this sentence, and I think it doesn't mean the-day-I-find-out-why I was born, because obviously we are born because the love of our parents.

...Yeah, let's just pretend I'm that naive.

I prefer to think it, about the "Why" itself. All kind of why. Human tend to dislike all kind of curiosity. So if we don't like it, we want to know why. 
We always seek for the answer.

"Why are you wearing red shirt today instead of the blue one?"

"Why do birds fly?"

"Why do you still love her despite your constant arguments about some silly stuffs?"

"Why my tears finally dried out, for thinking the outmost outrages reasons why we can't be together?"

"Why love even exist?"

....okay, I'm getting cheesy here. I better stop it.

So there are various question that need an answer, or you think it needs an answer.

Sometimes it's just a small thing and sometimes it even causes a huge argument if you don't get an answer.

Sometimes it could come in a form of knowledge. Because our brain is like a sponge that never satisfy to absorb all kind of information to quench our thirst of knowledge.

Whatever, the moment, or the day you find that answer, will be one of those important days of your life.

So that way, you will always appreciate your moments and have the spirit of welcoming a brand new day.

And always remember,

Sometimes you find answers where you least expect them.

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Thursday, October 02, 2014

For What It's Worth

Something went wrong with my body last night and triggered a big question in my head, which I'm pretty not sure what caused it. It could be either my stomach kept on growling 'cause I hadn't eaten since morning or my mind had played tricks due to my recent loneliness -  as I couldn't find any single friend to accompany me having a fine dinner. 
Well, whatever the reason was, a question demands an answer. So, I started asking my closest friends this question:

"How do you know that something is worth fighting for?"

I realized that the question sounds cheesy. To my surprise, it turned out that each friend of mine had their different answer.
At first, I meant to ask them with a question that had a wide significance, like something related to their career, relationship, pets, or anything that they think is worth fighting for. However, most likely they gave a straight answer which involved with their relationship.

The first answer I get said that she will fight for something until the end, gets bored, and finds another thing that more worth fighting for.
A tough fighter indeed.

The second answer I get was almost satisfied my curiosity. She said that she knows something worth fighting for when she can sense the feeling between them is mutual. 
She got a point. Why risk anything, if you know that someone you don't like doesn't like you at all? Well, at least a little sign from her/him will spark your light, right?
A strong warrior princess.

The third answer I get said that you know something worth fighting for if you already experience and go through it by yourself. 
But what if you still don't know, is it worth fighting or not after you confront it? 
"Then walk away", she said. Leave that troublesome matter that you had been through behind. After all, you never know something or someone is precious to you until they're gone.
Hmm, a fine wise wizard.

Lastly, the fourth and final answer I had for this question, that my kind of question is intangible. The answer cannot be quantified because my best person is not quantify-able. 

Suddenly her answer tickled my mind and we had a long chat about this. She told me a story about one of her colleges whose marriage only last for a month simply because they're in a rush and couldn't clearly see "the signs".

At the end of our chat, she asked me a question, "What if it turns out that one of your exes is someone worth fighting for?

"Well, I think none of my exes is worth fighting for. Not because of their flaw or something, but just because I feel something is not right with us," a straight answer that came right out of my mouth.

"THAT'S IT! THERE'S YOUR ANSWER!", her silent scream has broken my anxiety. 

"Huh? I don't get it..?"

"You don't quantify, right? You just know. That's how you know that someone is worth fighting for. ... You just know"

A bright smile suddenly appeared on my face. The answer I've been looking for turned out lies within myself. I always believe in every question or doubt we had, we actually already had the answer to it. We just need someone to indulge ourselves that the answer is right.
But that time, it seemed that I have failed to recognize my own answer.

You just know.

You just know something is right when the time comes. Its like the universe will conspire with you to connect the dots that spread through the sky and lead your path to the bright side. All you have to do is finding the right keys which are patience and passion.

A fine answer from my dear brilliant lecturer friend managed to conclude all of the answers to my troublesome question of the night.

So, do you have someone or something worth fighting for? Well, I do now.

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Saturday, September 20, 2014

Million Years

After a million years of fear.
For a search of one heart that I dear.
A glimpse of hope suddenly appear.
Like a light of heaven that is trying to interfere.

She came with a heart of no shame.
But fragile like a glass that never been frame.
Though her wanderer soul cannot be tamed.
Just like her burning thought that cannot be blamed.

The gaze of her eyes lies eternal peace.
As her smile froze my time like a broken timepiece.
Oh, how I imagine the softness of her lips takes my mind release.
Yet her voice keeps on serenades such a lovely masterpiece.

She shows me how to care, for I just merely a former misanthrope.
But why she still keep her heart in a sealed envelope?
If only she allow me to untie her from that tangled rope.
Or should I wait for another million years of hope?

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Wednesday, September 17, 2014


Didn't you know you have a beautiful garden inside your eyes?

A place of sanctuary that can calm my nerves down. 
A place to begin all of our amazing journey soon to be. 
A place that I could rest my mind and call it home.

And what's a beautiful garden without an enchanting pond that shows in your smile.

A striking fountain that can easily swipe and melt the tip of an iceberg. 
A calm water ripple that reminds me of hope and dreams to conquer the world.
A gentle stream that can penetrate and unlock the deepest level of my heart.

Then suddenly a question pop up in my mind...

With over three point five billion women in this world, why it has to be you?

Why I can't find the beauty of a garden before in someone else's eyes?
Why I can't admire the sparkling fountain overflowing in someone else's smile?
Why has it to be you, whom imprisoned me inside your garden of Eden?

And why you had to throw away the key and made this garden become a dark hall of emptiness since you left me without a single word to say?


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"The February-born shall find
Sincerity and peace of mind,
Freedom from passion and from care,

If they an amethyst will wear."
—Gregorian Birthstone Poems

Dari awal blog ini dibuat yaitu tahun 2010 ke tahun 2014 itu terhitung jarak waktu yang cukup lama. Entah kenapa tiba-tiba gue ada hasrat untuk menulis lagi. Meskipun gue pada awalnya nggak pede buat menuangkan isi pikiran gue ke dalam tulisan (karena nggak tau juga gimana cara menulis yang baik dan benar), tapi gue nekat aja buat blog ini.

Setelah 3 tahun vakum, ada suatu kejadian yang bikin gue stress kalo uneg-uneg gue nggak gue keluarin, akhirnya gue melampiaskan dalam bentuk tulisan di sini yang sepertinya itu jadi trigger gue buat nulis lagi. Dan di bulan Mei lalu, waktu gue jalan-jalan ke Jogja, gue mampir ke Gramedia dan nggak sengaja lihat ada buku Nulis Itu Dipraktekin karya Tim Wesfix, dan langsung gue beli. 

....meskipun butuh empat bulan hari ini gue bacanya sih.

Di awal buku itu ada kutipan dari seorang pejuang revolusioner sekaligus penyair, Jose Marti; "Setiap orang setidaknya harus menanam sebatang pohon, memiliki anak atau menulis sebuah buku".
Meski gue jauh dari kepikiran untuk menulis sebuah buku, tapi ide untuk menghasilkan sebuah karya tulis itu jadi motivasi tersendiri untuk membuat sesuatu yang bisa dinikmati orang lain, selain desain-desain arsitektural gue.
Selain itu, gue juga terinspirasi dari kutipan salah satu arsitek favorit gue, Frank Lloyd Wright:

"Every great architect is - necessarily - a great poet. He must be a great original interpreter of his time, his day, his age." 

Memang kalau gue cermati, seni itu mempunyai akar yang sama dan saling berhubungan satu dengan yang lainnya. Mungkin keinginan untuk menulis ini salah satu bentuk untuk mengetahui batas kemampuan diri gue di bidang seni ini sampai mana.

Anyway, gue saking semangatnya mau menulis lagi, gue sampe bela-belain desain logo baru dan mindah nama blog gue dari ke 
Biar jadi satu rumpun sama blog kerjaan gue juga sih.. 

Oh, kalo mau lihat-lihat kerjaan gue, monggo lho main ke
#juwalan :p

Amethystos sendiri gue ambil dari kata amethyst yang kebetulan adalah batu kelahiran gue sebagai seorang Aquarian. Pas gue browsing untuk lebih tau arti amethyst itu sendiri, gue malah menemukan istilah amethystos dari bahasa Yunani yang artinya kurang lebih adalah obat penawar mabuk.

Jadi kalau gue mendeskripsikan, blog gue ini adalah obat dari segala mabuk kegalauan hidup gue. *halah*

Jadi, beginilah tulisan perdana gue untuk merayakan kelahiran kembali blog gue yang telah mati suri selama empat tahun. Semoga ini bukan sekedar antusias sekejap gue semata, dan semoga ke depannya bisa menghasilkan tulisan-tulisan yang lain. 

Amin. :)

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Saturday, September 13, 2014


Word oh word keep tickling in my brain.
Hold my senses that I couldn't contain.
Flood of hope rushing through my vein.
Fold the past of a hundred pain.

Winter breeze the first smile of her.
Spring fill my heart with laughter.
Summer returns with a memory alter.

Autumn hope could be my life saviour.

Time goes by with her past of gray.
Patience to hear her tales day by day.
Pleased me when she asked for a pathway.
As we laugh about our game of wordplay.

All is well until that day comes.
The day when my tongue is numbs.
For her already choose what her becomes.
And I can only sing my silent hums.

Is it wrong to deny what I need?
Is it too late to offer my deed?
Is it a shame to admit my greed?
Or is just it my foolishness that mislead?

Autumn is when leaves are falling.

Falling like the heart that is breaking.
Have no regret for all my heart I have loving.
Till the day comes when she accept my ring.